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I want morning kisses, slaps on the butt, pinky holding, and hugs from behind. I want to make you coffee at 7am and sit with you at the kitchen table with the sun shining in on us. You can see dust particles and it is just beautiful. Just like your green eyes that light up any room, especially my smile. I want to walk around the house in my undies and a big t-shirt with you like it’s is the new fashion trend. I want to cuddle on the couch on a Saturday morning while watching the Golden Girls because it’s a classic. I want to go to a little cafe for lunch with you and try new foods and take pictures of us trying them. I want to run in the rain to get the car for you so that you don’t have to get wet. I want to make out with you from the car to the bedroom when we arrive home and take off every item of your clothing and feel your skin on mine. I want you to walk in on me while I am taking a shower and let me walk in on you while you’re using the bathroom and it be completely comfortable. I want to wash your hair for you and you wash my back. I want to sing in front of you, with you, and to you. I want to buy a kitten with you and let you kiss my cat scratches. I want you to help me cook even though you aren’t the best at it.I want to marry you and have our guests throw rose petals as we walk out of the church. I want our families to be one giant family. I want to raise a child with you and watch him or her grow and be the best they can be. I want to grow old with you and be able to tell our grandchildren all the amazing things we did when we were teenagers. I want to wipe your nose when you’re sick and bring you chocolate when you want something sweet. I want to bring you flowers for no special reason and take you out on a Wednesday evening when nothing else is going on. I want to be a part of you every single day for the rest of my life. I want to hold you and love you. I want you. I will never stop wanting you. I love you.

(via fuckinq)

(Source: insanecunt)

Expectations

So I’m working on trying to write a character analysis for Great Expectations. As I sit here, I’m coming to realize just how big a role expectations plays in our lives. Everyone has them, and nearly everyone is left disappointed by them.

Here’s a short list of all the expectations I’ve had just this week. (The ones in italic actually worked out)

  • Affection
  • Happiness
  • Finish my book
  • Feel accomplished
  • Kisses hello & goodbye
  • Something anything cute
  • Write a quality-ish monologue
  • Have someone bring me breakfast
  • A visit from someone when I’m sad
  • Flowers (that’s a long shot. more like a dream)
  • Recognition for trying to actually look presentable in public

dreams

I’ve come to realize I’m a dreamer. I always have these big elaborate hopes for the people around me. that they’ll take notice to the subtleties I put out there. that they’ll tell me the things I need to hear. that they’ll make me feel appreciated and not rejected. but must of all I have things I expect of myself. that I’ll be happy with what I have. that I’ll be open to change and love. that I’ll be happy, with no regrets or doubts.

to anyone who is suffering in any way,

know that you are not alone. whether you are mourning a loss, feeling crushed by expectations, or simply struggling to get by, you are not alone.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. that reason may be nonexistent to you right now, it may seem like life is awful and unfair. but the path you are on is where you’re meant to be.
look around you, and see the beauty of life. even in chaos, there is solace in the simplicity of the world around you. a baby’s smile, sunshine peeking through the clouds, snow glittering in the trees.
look around you, and see everyone willing to support you and help you get through this.
no one should ever have to suffer alone. reach out. there is someone who cares.

hereunoia:

If the boy who draws

let’s you look over his shoulder.

If the poet

smiles

and shows you her words.

If the girl who sings for the shower only,

hums a song

in front of you.


Know that you’re no longer a person

but the air

and dust

that fills their lungs.


When the world perishes,

and all things cease to exist,

you’ll remain inside an ink stain,

a paint brush,

a song.


— Alaska Gold

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