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Happiness.

I’d be perfectly happy to lay in your arms for the rest of my days. To rest my head on your chest, tapping your heartbeat on your biceps with my fingertips. To wrap my arms around your waist and never let go. To tilt my head up towards your face and wait for a kiss on the forehead. To listen to your breathing as you fall asleep. To be there when you wake, ready to hear about all of your crazy dreams. To comfort you through nightmares. To remind you that I’ll never leave. To feel your arms tighten around me when I tell you how much I love you. To kiss your nose when you’re upset.  To run my fingers through your hair when you’re angry. To tickle your stomach when you’re too serious. To kiss you, just because I can. To see you smile at me, with that knowing grin that says so much. To fall asleep knowing you’ll be there when I open my eyes again. To share the little moments. To share the big moments. To grow old with you. To love you. 

I’d be I’m perfectly happy, with you. 

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M FEELING.

This is extremely frustrating. I’m so emotional lately. And I’m terrified of, well, we won’t go there.

School isn’t getting any harder but it’s finally getting to me after all these years. I get tests and I shut down. It’s not that I don’t know my material, because I’m pretty sure everyone knows I do. I just get myself into this place filled with anxiety. It’s like every question is screaming - “If you get me wrong you’ll never go to college!” or “Someone’s going to take your spot for the top of the class!”. I freak myself out so much that I just can’t handle classes anymore. They’re not difficult, I just can’t enjoy learning anymore. Is this what preparing for college is supposed to feel like? Because if it is I don’t know how I’m going to make it through Senior Year. 

I get in these happy moods but it only takes a second to smash it. I’m spending a lot more time by myself reading my magazines all day long. BLEH. 

I’m just a mess. I’m distancing myself from everyone and I don’t know how to stop. Help me?

GREAT DAY.

No seriously, my usual sarcasm is completely non-existent there. I’ve had a really good day. 

Things that made me happy today:

  1. Buying the new Train album
  2. Not having any homework  Not doing the homework I do have
  3. Wearing sweatpants and boxers to school
  4. Cuddling with Sam
  5. Being productive
  6. Putting 40 Coke Cap Codes in
  7. Using points from said codes to order a new Nike bag
  8. Listening to my favorite songs from this season of Sing-Off all night long
  9. ACTUALLY HAVING A WONDERFUL NIGHT ALL NIGHT. 

Things are looking up. 

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

So I have 3 minutes to get this in, in order to be on day 2. Stupid bandcamp. >_<

1. I love that I’m able to hide when I’m upset, angry, etc. It really comes in handy sometimes.

2. I love that I have some of the best friends and family. ever.

3. I love how I can make a reference about anything, from just about everything.

4. I love my creative abilities, and I can only hope that I can do somewhere in life with those.

5. I love the standards I give to myself, even if I am a little too harsh.

6. I love that you are a huge part of me.

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